last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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