I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
