I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
