and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
