Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
