Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
