highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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