trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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