I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
