The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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