Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
