Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
