By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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