You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
