She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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