we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
