I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
