This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
