Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
