I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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