I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
