If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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