i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
