Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize