In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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