It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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