I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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