So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
