made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize