I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
