Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
