Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
