her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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