It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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