I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
