Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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