PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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