the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
my liver is dry heaving
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
