I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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