On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
