she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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