When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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