Your mouth is God's brothel.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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