i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
