my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
