After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize