She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
