anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
