I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
