Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
