your room smells of hookers.
And success
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
