Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
