and she was petting her beer can
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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