Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize