Swine flu. Run for my life!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
