Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i've created a new STD.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
