Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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