We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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