You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
