i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize