these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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