Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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