You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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