Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
