Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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