I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
