and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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