so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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