Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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