My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
