Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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