She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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