i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
