thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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