Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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