To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
