addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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