dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
