all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize