I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
