Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
