it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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