Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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