Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
